we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Help. Why am I so naked?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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