My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
