so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
