did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
