I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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