i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
