its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish I only lived at night.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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