The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
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Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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