His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
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Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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