just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
