Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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