you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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