took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
