He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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