You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He shit in the fireplace
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
