do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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