I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
