the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
