I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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