Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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