my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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