So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
