i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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