How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
