Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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