dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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