Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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