No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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