i wish my penis had a tongue
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
