Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
