why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
