Small penises have feelings too.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
