I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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