ugly people sure do ruin things
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
