I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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