yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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