I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
