watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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