Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
