Kiss
Puke
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize