i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
