Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
