I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
