I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
