I accidentally burped into my bong.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
