So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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