I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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