also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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