Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
