apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
