look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
