that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize