I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My vagina is officially offended.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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