i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
