So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
