On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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