How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
