who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
