Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
