clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
