my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
