He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
