it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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