Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
