Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize