I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
