Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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