Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize