watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
