I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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