it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
