if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
