you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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